Infertility Treatments and Marriage, How to make it all work!

Six times! When I got the phone call I just knew that it was going to be positive, but when he said it was negative, I was taken back. How am I going to tell my husband? The final and last time of trying was over and we were unsuccessful, AGAIN! My heart dropped, my head sunk and my whole body had a slow meltdown. All I kept thinking was how I was going to break the news to my husband. We have done artificial insemination three times and in-vitro fertilization three times. How was I going to tell him that we had no child and were in debt?

Today, at 35 years of age I have realized that I will never physically have a childof my own. The emptiness that I feel within me is overbearing. I can’t explain the void that fills every fiber of my being. I am a woman; I was built to have children. What is wrong with me? I sit here and think of all the things I have done in my life, wrong outweighed the right. Is this why I am not able to conceive? Will my husband still love me? Should I leave him so he can start a new family with a woman that is capable of conceiving? Am I so bad? Being a woman, we like to analyze each sector of our mind, body, heart and soul. I want to determine what I did wrong and find out if this caused me from having a child. The mind games are the worst. My entire body yearns for a child and I want to give the man I love this beautiful being that we created. When this does not happen, insecurity kicks in and your mental stability is seriously questioned. I am a strong woman but I am weakened by my huge loss.

I sit here and look deep within my soul to find the strength to tell my husband that I love him and I am so sorry for not giving him the love we share and to create life between us. I only hope that he will see me hurting and understand some of my pain. He is a good man and we have grown stronger over the years because of this situation. Our marriage is good and solid but times like these make me worry, because I always want our marriage to be good.

The longer I sit the more I realize that I do have something to show for this, I have a man that loves me unconditionally. A man that was willing never to cast blame for my weaknesses. A husband that wants to create life between us whether it’s biological or adopted, life can be created through love and commitment, that is the kind of man I have now in my life. A man that believes so much in “us” that he is willing to go into debt to try and have one of our own first. But is still wanting to adopt another. That kind of love is genuine and good. One that only a few of us find in our life times. Our marriage, our life together as a couple, we want this new life with us.

As I sit here, I realize that I may have emptiness in my heart but I have a fullness of love in my being. Life makes turns and twists, some produced by you, some not, but make the most of your decisions. Sitting here I realize that I am lucky because I have been shown a love that I have never experienced before in my life. I will have a child someday, but today, I have to talk with my husband.

I learned that I am lucky even with disappointments. We may have been unsuccessful with fertility but we still have hope and faith. We will continue to try and maybe we will succeed. Faith and hope are very powerful and we recommend that you never give up. We didn’t and look at what we have, a home built on love.