Survived - Abuse, I did!

 If I can get away, so can you! There is hope and just believe, okay? Believe in yourself and pray, pray to the Lord above that he will give you the strength to survive and move on. Each day will be a chore and each day you will become stronger, more confident, then one day you will leave and it will work! You can leave this man that has abused you and you will make it! I did it and so can you! Just believe!

Here is my story;

When I was young and probably stupid at that time in my life, I was in love. So much in love that I wanted to be with my boyfriend every moment of every day. He offered me much love in return. In the first year of dating, it was wonderful; his focus was only on me. He showered me with gifts, thoughts, emotions and most of all attention. I couldn’t go to work without him coming by to see me first. Then after the first year, we started as a “normal” dating couple, I realized that his attention was more and more controlling. Although, I really liked the attention because I had never had it before. He loved me unconditionally and jhe ust wanted me to be me.

That is all good in theory but when someone loves you that much, there are concerns; it’s not completely without conditions. What I am mean is my boyfriend (let’s call him Dale) was beautiful on the outside but not really on the inside. His attention was blissful and controlling at the sametime. He wanted me all to myself and initially, I was totally for that. I thought his attention was a measure of his undivided love that he carried for me. However, I learned in the second year of dating that attention can be misinterpreted as controlling. Our relationship was turning to another direction that I didn't understand.

Dale became this awful, controlling, abuse and violent person that I was in love with completely. The sad reality, I loved the person I first met but after we were together for so long I became dependent on him. The compliments, the showering of attention, his controlling behavior was enchanting at first but hurt later on. No matter how you describe it, he made me completely and totally dependent on him. Unfortunately, with the good, came the bad, the abusive and violent behavior, not just hitting me to make me submissive but the verbal and emotional abuse was even harder. He insulted me and put me down so much that I began to believe that no one would want me. That no man would look at me and think I was beautiful.

Entering the fourth year of the relationship, I was a completely different person. I use to laugh out loud, touch people when I talked with them and just enjoyed all kinds of conversations. I am a very passionate person and the mind stimulation is very important to me. But Dale was all the attention I received, so I became this weak, lonely soul. I became what he wanted me to become, a dependent woman, one that did not have a backbone that he could beat and put down to make himself feel better. As sad as it is to write this, it is completely and utterly true. I became that woman that lived in the shadow of pure fear, lost soul and misplaced heart. I refused to think, I became numb and I let him treat me anyway he wanted because I just wanted to get through each day. That was my mojo back then, just get through the day and tomorrow will be better, but tomorrow was never better, sometimes worse. Each day I became more and more dead to the outside world.

Then one day, like a lighting bolt, I woke up and looked at Dale asleep, I seriously considered taking the lamp and smashing his brains in. I wanted to so bad, it took everything I had to climb out of bed go to the bathroom and close the door. At that moment, I realized that I was a victim of domestic violence and I knew I had two choices; first, stay here and end up dying (because that is what I was doing) or second, leave and make a better life for myself. The second option was the one I concentrated on. That morning, which I will never forget, I stopped being the victim and became the women my mother taught me to be. I stepped out of the bathroom woke up Dale, helped him get ready for work, cooked him breakfast, kissed him passionately on the mouth (my goodbye kiss) and walked him to his car. He loved the “old” me at that moment and was eating up the extra attention. He climbed in the car, smiled and waved goodbye to me and I hoped never to see him again.

I packed everything I could hold in my little car, and I gave myself one hour to pack and leave. I was afraid he would come home for lunch and I wanted to be long gone by the time he got there. Once I jumped in my car, checked my wallet ($75 dollars to my name) and my miscellaneous items in the car, I was off to start my new life!

Well, let me just tell you that I could go on and on about my life, my new life but I will save that for later. It was hard and I am not going to lie to you, it was hard leaving him, hiding from him, I had to change everything about me but it was worth it. Because you know what, I have a happy life, one that I am proud of, but I will tell you that I learned a lot during that time. I learned that you always have choices, you should never, ever allow yourself to become the victim of domestic violence (try as hard as possible), and most of all, you have one life, choose a partner that is only going to make your life better, to make you want to be a better person! My final note on this little piece of history of me is to live your life, we have all heard it but I am a survival of mental, emotional, physical and verbal abuse and I made it to the other side and so can you! You can and will find a way to escape if you look for it. People are truly willing to help and you need to find the confidence to do it. Believe me, it was the hardest but best decision I ever made in my life. Believe in yourself, breathe, think it through and run! Never, ever look back, just believe!