Top 20 Funny Quotes About Life

Here are the top funniest quotes that will make you laugh and laugh. Use these quotes when leaving texts, emails, post it notes or just want to make someone laugh. Laughter is infectious so share the quotes to many and all. Find the humor, find the smile, laugh at one quote, laugh at many but just find your laughter and share it!

Here are the top funny quotes overall:

“Acquiring a dog maybe the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.” Quote by Mordecai Wyatt Johnson

“Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life.” Quote by Dorothy Parker

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” Quote by Paula Poundstone

“Music is like girlfriends to me; I’m continually astonished by the choices other people make.” Quote by David Lee Roth

“My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.” Quote by Joan Rivers

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” Quote by George Carlin

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary; it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.” Quote by Bill Crosby

“The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed.” Quote by Geoffrey Gorer

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” Quote by Honora De Balzac

“Ah, yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Quote by Robin Williams

“I'm not talking about lust. A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.” Quote from movie: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

“Women remember the first kiss, men remember the last. “ Quote unknown

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” Quote by Camille Paglia

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” Quote by Erma Bombeck

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” Quote by Bob Hope

“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” Anonymous

‘Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Quote from movie: National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

“Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.” Anonymous

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.” Quote by Bob Hope

“What we got here is... failure to communicate.” Quote from movie: Cool Hand Luke (1967)

Funny quotes are a good way to break the ice for a new meeting or meeting a new date or simply to use in a presentation to kick start it. These sayings and lighthearted and feel good quotes that can be used for almost all occasions. Laughter is the key to success, find your humor, learn to laugh at yourself and use funny quotes to make others laugh with you!